


blink back to let me know

by nyckolodeo_n, shakespearesocks



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Thomas Sanders (Video Blogging RPF) - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: (well it's more of a medium burn), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, logan and roman are Tired of their shit, moxiety at its pinest (get it bc there's a lot of mutual pining hoo boy), they all watch a lot of movies and have a Lot of feelings, virgil and patton are head over heels for each other but are also So Oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-11 19:34:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11721081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyckolodeo_n/pseuds/nyckolodeo_n, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shakespearesocks/pseuds/shakespearesocks
Summary: “Look. I’m happy for you. I mean, as long as you're not doodling hearts that say ‘Patton + Virgil’ or anything.”Patton slams his notebook shut. “Definitely not.”Patton and Virgil find themselves head over heels for each other, while being completely oblivious to the other's affections. Logan and Roman are there to offer support and be entirely frustrated by their useless friends. What's a personality facet to do?aka the mutual pining moxiety fic nobody asked for but everybody needs





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from 'Always' by Panic! at the Disco

Loving someone is hard.

Loving someone who would never give you the time of day is harder; especially when you're the embodiment of 90% of the negative emotions that exist in the world and the person you love is the exact opposite of that. More often than not, Virgil curses himself for even considering corrupting Patton in that way, for considering the thought that maybe Patton would love him back in spite of the hundreds of flaws he can list (in order, without taking a breath). And then he sees Patton smile, unabashed about his silly jokes, doing his best to make everyone happy, the embodiment of everything good in the world--and Virgil's life--and he scowls at berates himself for even sparing a thought to such feelings. Patton could never love him, Patton deserves better than him, and Virgil isn't going to get in the way of him finding that, even if it means he has to see the person he loves cuddled close to and holding hands with the very person who basically loathes Virgil's entire existence. Virgil sighs from where he lays in on the couch in his room, admiring the stars in the sky he's created so he can try to dispel the negative thoughts in his mind; it hasn't been working.

Loving someone is hard.

Sometimes he's hopeful; many times Virgil will catch Patton smiling at him, bright and wonderfully, and Virgil's breath will catch in his throat as he takes in the adoration on his face. Then Virgil remembers that Patton is just a nice person, he smiles at everyone, likes to make everyone happy, and so the smile probably doesn't mean anything. He mentally chastises himself, putting a glare on his face as he picks at his sweatpants. Logan will pat his shoulder, leaning in to whisper, "Alright?" and returning to his book when Virgil nods sadly.

He never sees the sad look Patton gives him.

-x-

Being Thomas’s optimistic side, Patton is glad of many things. He’s glad that dogs exist, he’s glad the sun is shining, and he’s glad that The Incredibles is getting a sequel.

But the thing he’s most glad about is that he’s patient. Because he doesn’t know how he’d cope if he wasn’t.

Patton's favorite thing about Virgil is the way his mind works. It may not always be in the most positive way, much to Patton's dismay when they're about Virgil himself, but the way his mind works is fascinating and unique, something that very accurately explains the entirety of Virgil's existence in the first place. He hates that it's taken them (i.e. Roman and Logan) so long to realize how important and wonderful Virgil was. Patton is completely infatuated with Virgil and everything he does; he loves the small smile the darker trait shows when he's done something good or he's been complimented; he loves how sometimes, Virgil will let his guard down and allow himself to relax and be involved in their bonding activities or video brainstorms; he loves that, ever since he's told them his name, Virgil has stood taller and more confidently when making his points and trying to be heard.

Of course none of this matters, because Virgil could never love him back.

Patton and Virgil may represent some of the same basic ideas, but they are also polar opposites, dealing with situations in completely different ways and with different attitudes towards situations. Where Virgil has always been prone to worry every possible negative outcome, Patton always sees the best in each situation. He can tell he gets on the darker personas nerves with how cheery and loud he usually is; Virgil is constantly staring at Patton, he can feel it, and when he tries to look over and smile at Virgil, the hoodie-clad facet scowls and looks down at his feet, nodding sadly at something Logan's whispering in his ear. It makes Patton's heart clench, because of course Logan and Virgil get along so easily. The both of them have similar, more realistic views of the world, a bright contrast to Virgil and Patton's relationship. Patton sighs and looks back to where Finding Nemo is playing, and Roman reaches over to squeeze Patton's knee in condolence.

He doesn’t see the dark look Virgil shoots at Roman’s hand on his leg.

-x-

Following the Finding Nemo Incident of 2017, Virgil starts noticing more and more things about Patton. He learns things that should probably make him repulsed at the idea of being with Patton, but instead make him more infatuated with him than he already was. For example, when Patton is watching a Disney movie he knows really well, he’ll mouth along the words as the movie plays, making aborted movements with his hands like he’s trying to keep himself from flailing his arms and properly act out the scene. It’s horrible, it should be the stupidest thing Virgil’s ever seen, but Virgil constantly finds himself getting caught up in watching Patton when they have movie nights. It’s easy to get distracted from the movie when Patton is sitting across the room from him; Virgil already watches movies laying down on the loveseat, so no one ever notices when he changes the angle of his head to face where Patton sits on the floor with a barely concealed grin on his face.

Of course, all of this is ruined if (see: when) Roman comes in, draping a blanket and an arm over the sunny side’s shoulders, causing him to giggle and cuddle further into Roman’s side.

“I have come with protection and warmth, my dear Patton. You can’t freeze to death before we hear _Shiny.”_ Roman’s voice is loud and dramatic, drowning out Moana’s soliloquy in the process. Patton puts a hand over the fanciful facet’s mouth, though he just leans further into the warmth that is already surrounding him. Virgil feels like he’s gonna vomit.

It’s easy to see how much Virgil doesn’t deserve Patton when he sees just how happy _Roman_ makes him. Watching them, Virgil feels almost stupid for ever thinking he could compare to the fanciful facet and his romantic nature. Roman and Patton get on so well, easily invading one another’s space, finishing each other’s sentences, communicating without having to say a word. Realistically, it would make Virgil absolutely _furious_ at Roman (in fact it _should_ ), but...but at least that means Patton gets to be with someone he truly deserves, means he doesn’t have to worry about _someone_ who sucks at communication ruining the mood or having to worry about how much of Virgil’s personal space he can invade. When Patton wraps an arm around Princey’s waist and nuzzles his head into Roman’s shoulder, Virgil can’t take it anymore, tearing his eyes away to watch the movie that he’s almost completely forgot about.

He tells himself that the tears running down his cheeks are the result of Moana losing her grandmother, and pushes away all of his feelings.

-x-

Patton sneaks a glance at Virgil, who he notices hasn’t been watching the movie. Roman doesn’t notice - he’s too busy lipsynching along to ‘You’re Welcome’.

He hopes Virgil is okay. Maybe he should go and check on him.

Just as he’s convincing himself to go and talk to Virgil, his heart sinks when he sees Logan walking up to the more reserved facet first. He watches balefully as Logan tries to sit on the couch that Virgil is adamantly trying to occupy all by himself.

“Virgil, can I sit down?”

“I don’t know, _can_ you?”

“Well, I suppose I- ugh. _May_ I sit down?”

“I don’t know, _may_ you?”

“You’re being childish.”

“Okay, well, here’s some logical reasoning for you, Teach - I was here first.”

“Virgil, I swear, I will _sit_ on you.”

“ _Now_ who’s being childish?”

Patton looks away as he wishes he had that kind of easy relationship with Virgil. The two more subdued facets never _meant_ anything by their fighting, that was evident from the fact they spent a lot of their time together. That time was spent mainly arguing, but they had realised along the way that arguing was something they did well. Their arguments were more like school debates, if you asked them, but to any outsider (e.g. Patton) they sure acted a lot like a married couple.

Virgil concedes to move his legs to give Logan a place to sit, then proceeds to kick him in the face. Roman snickers from next to Patton that the two on the couch ignore. Virgil drapes his legs across Logan’s lap, and the latter rests his hands on Virgil’s shins, lightly rubbing his thumbs across the exposed skin. It’s intimate, something Patton is sure Logan wouldn’t be doing if he knew Patton was watching, and Virgil welcomes the contact without any sign of discomfort or disgust. Patton sighs quietly to himself and turns back to the movie just in time to see Moana launch herself off the top of the cave and onto her boat. Patton isn’t really interested in the movie anymore, but he pretends he is, because there’s no way the others won’t notice something’s wrong if he skips out on movie night; they were his idea, after all, and _Moana_ is one of his favorites.

It’s just hard to concentrate on, or care about, a movie when the person you love is flirting with someone else; right _in front_ of you.

He feels a pang of something in his chest. It’s heavy and dark and unfamiliarly negative. He recognizes it as jealousy, but he’s never felt it this strongly before. He wonders why _he’s_ the one who feels jealous, rather than one of the other sides. Maybe it’s because jealousy comes from the heart. He curls up in the blanket and rests his head on Roman’s shoulder miserably. The fanciful side doesn’t say anything, just shifts to accommodate Patton’s weight. Patton wonders if anyone else can feel the negative energy radiating off of him. It’s cloying and irrationally angry, but since no one asks him what’s wrong or spares him a glance he figures no one else can feel it.

Patience, Patton. Just have patience.


	2. Chapter 2

Virgil has a tendency of bottling things up. A lot. It’s gotten to ridiculous levels lately - he hadn’t even told anyone his _name_ until recently.

So he’s trying to get a bit better at… opening up.

He figures he should get advice about his… _thing_ for Patton, because his strategy of ‘panic and never do anything’ has, historically been pretty useless.

But who would he go to? Thomas has enough problems in his assembly line of predicaments, and Roman might have ⅝ letters from the word ‘romantic’ in his name, but Virgil wouldn’t be seen dead getting advice from him. To be honest, Virgil thinks the best person to go to is Patton, but considering Patton is the core of Virgil’s dilemma, and since Virgil would rather not have a cryptic conversation in which he uses the word ‘hypothetical’ fifteen times, maybe Patton isn’t the best option.

So Virgil decides to go to Logan for assistance, much to the logical facet’s absolute disdain. Virgil can tell that he wants nothing less than to be involved with the feelings related to Virgil’s infatuation, but he doesn’t deny the dismal facet’s request. Virgil can think clearly in the presence of Logan, and he benefits from an objective viewpoint to stop him from spiralling and panicking about how well (or not) he’s keeping his feelings hidden. Logan becomes his unofficial and unwilling therapist and counsellor as Virgil endlessly paces his room with ‘what if’s and ‘I don’t know’s. He does his best to ask questions and provide insight, but each minor problem Virgil brings up just seems to ignore the main piece of advice that Logan keeps offering.

“Have you considered simply expressing how you feel to Patton?” Logan inquires (for what is probably the one-hundredth time since they started having meetings in the more sensible side’s room).

Virgil groans into the couch cushions in response (for what seems like the millionth time), hoping that explains what is a big, giant _‘no.’_

“Well, then you really have no one to blame but yourself.”

Virgil reaches for the closest thing he can find and throws it in the general direction of Logan’s voice, hearing a yelp that must mean he either hit, or got close to, his mark. It’s not a very logical response to Logan’s input, and he immediately feels bad, but not enough to apologize. So he moves on.

“Why would I tell him and risk him saying no, when I can just _not_ tell him and continue to suffer in relative silence and seclusion? Seems like a reasonable idea to me.”

Logan throws the pillow back him, but it doesn’t come close to its mark. Virgil looks up to glare at him, to which he simply raises a single eyebrow.

Virgil sighs, “Yes, I know, only _realistic_ logical thinking in your room, got it.” Logan nods, pleased. Then, despite the agreement they’d just settled, in the smallest voice, Virgil can’t help but say, “What if he hates me for it?”

Logan sighs and closes his book, moving to sit next to Virgil on the couch. Virgil immediately lifts his head, laying it back down again when Logan has sat and his head rests comfortably on the logical facet’s lap. Hesitant fingers immediately find their way to his hair. “Virgil, dear, when have you ever known Patton to hate _anyone_?” Virgil opens his mouth to respond, but Logan keeps going, not giving him a chance to speak. “I understand your fear, it is only logical to expect the worst when exploring something new and unknown, but you’re jumping to conclusions, Virge. You’re not using all parts of your brain to think this out, and it’s hurting you.” Virgil can feel tears in his eyes, Logan’s fingers still playing with his hair, “Virgil, are you listening to me?”

Virgil nods and curls further into himself, revelling in this brief moment of calm before he’ll have to come back to reality. He clears his throat, takes a deep breath, and suddenly words he’s never even admitted to himself are pouring out.

“I just… goodness, I love him so much, Lo. I love him so much, and I am _so_ scared about what would happen if I did say something and Patton tries to let me down in the nicest way possible and everything gets awkward and the conflict messes with Thomas. I don’t want to be the reason everything’s messed up if it goes horribly wrong,” He sniffs. “But then... Logan, then there will be time where I truly think that maybe there’s a possibility that he could love me back; I let myself dream of the wonderful possibility that someone as happy and beautiful and _kind_ as Patton could love someone as morose and dark and _ugly_ as me, and I can picture myself being truly happy for the first time in most of my existence. He makes me so happy, and I would give anything to be with him if he’d let me.” They’re quiet for a moment, no sounds except Virgil’s heavy breathing echoing the room, until Logan speaks again, very quietly.

“Then why don’t you _tell_ him?”

Virgil lets out a choked sob, and feels Logan tangle their fingers together.

“Because, Lo, _I_ could never make _him_ happy.”

Logan says nothing, and Virgil is happy for that. He sighs and resigns himself back to sullen and closed off rather than being significantly more uncomfortable by crying and being emotionally open. “You can’t tell him.”

Logan goes to protest. “Bu-”

“Logan.” There’s a pleading in Virgil’s tone that says ‘no arguments’. Logan doesn’t say anything. Virgil holds up a pinky. “You can’t tell him.” He repeats firmly.

He hears a sigh as Logan wraps his own pinky around Virgil’s. “This is stupid.”

“No, this is a _serious oath_.” Logan rolls his eyes, but squeezes Virgil’s pinky with his, anyway. Virgil smiles; he’s lucky to have a friend like him.

-x-

Patton’s tried to get rid of his feelings, honest, but getting rid of something that makes up so much of who he is is much harder than it sounds. Patton really has tried everything; avoiding Virgil, which ended about fifteen minutes in when Virgil decided he wanted to help with dinner and Patton was too ecstatic about them spending time together to notice he broke his own rule; writing poetry to get his feelings out in the open, even if he was the only one who was ever going to read the things he wrote; he even tried just completely suppressing his feelings in hope that with a few days time, everything would go back to the way it should have and Patton’s stupid feelings would disappear and he didn’t wave to worry about anyone’s (his) heart being broken.

Apparently he’s not very good at suppressing anything because one day--

Roman barges into his room one day and exclaims, “ _P_ _lease_ tell me you're not _actually_ in love with Moody Garland.”

Patton looks up from the notebook he's doodling in and blushes. “Roman!” He greets happily, trying to pretend he hadn't heard the last sentence by maintaining his cheerful obliviousness. “How you doing, buddy? Is… dragon fighting… going well?”

“As much as I’d like to regale you with stories of my daring exploits-”

“Oh please do I feel like we don't talk enough-”

“-There's no point in denying your feelings. Especially since you _are_ feelings.” He frowns. “And even if your feelings lie with Misery Business over there, they’re still important .” He looks at Patton. “So? _Are_ you in love with him?”

Patton turns even redder. He nods furiously. Words start spilling out like a floodgate has been opened. “Oh Roman I’m so glad you asked I’ve been trying to keep it a secret because I thought the feelings would go away but they _didn’t_ and I _do_ love him and he's just so _wonderful_ and _kind_ and _smart_ and his _eyes-_ ”

Roman looks overwhelmed. “Patton!” He says, raising his voice slightly to stop Patton in his tracks. “First of all, we have the _same eyes._ ” He sighs, looking exasperated, yet fond of Patton. Not for the first time, Patton wishes he’d fallen in love with him instead; it would have been easier. “Look. I’m happy for you. I mean, as long as you're not doodling hearts that say ‘Patton + Virgil’ or anything.”

Patton slams his notebook shut. “Definitely not.”

Roman rolls his eyes. “And here I thought _I_ was the hopeless romantic.”

“ _You’re_ romantic,” Patton says, “I’m just hopeless.”

Roman sighs, settling himself onto the loveseat in Patton’s room, stretching out across the length with his elbow perched on the arm; he’s the epitome of handsomeness, and Patton thinks, again, that his life would probably be so much easier if he’d fallen in love with the fanciful facet instead. Life doesn’t work that way, though, as shown by Patton’s current predicament. He’s glad Roman’s being a good sport about everything, even with how he feels about the more pessimistic trait. Patton had gone to him in his time of need, asking all questions in the hypothetical sense, claiming he wanted to more easily understand and relate to the romance novels and movies he sees lying around the house that Roman, and surprisingly Thomas, have been known to look at. He was never good at subtlety, however, hence how Roman was able to figure out the truth about his inquiry a mere three hours later.

“Look.” Roman says. “Why don’t you just _talk_ to him?”

Patton shakes his head. “Are you kidding? He’s got enough on his mind as it is. He doesn’t need to worry about my silly old _feelings_!”

“Patton, that’s--honey, you can’t just put aside your feelings because you think they’re going to _worry_ someone,” Roman sounds very exasperated, and when Patton looks up from where he had gone back to doodling in his notebook, he looks like it, too. Patton furrows his brow and opens his mouth to speak, but Roman continues. “Yes, I understand he’s more sensitive than the rest of us, and maybe you need to go about it a little differently, but… don’t you deserve to be happy?” Patton freezes in his actions of shading the heart around his and Virgil’s names, because that’s a good question:

 _Does_ he deserve happiness?

Well, he’s just not sure.

-x-

Virgil sighs dreamily as he watches Patton from across the table. The bubbly facet is trying to touch his nose with his tongue, going cross-eyed when he looks down to check on his success. He isn’t making any progress, but it’s possibly one of the cutest things Virgil’s ever seen. (He may be more hopeless than he thought).

“Of all the people to be infatuated with, and you choose _him_.” Logan murmurs under his breath next to him. Virgil shoots him a glare and kicks his foot under the table. “He’s been trying for ten minutes, and his food’s probably cold by now. Also, you’re drooling.”

Virgil flinches, hands frantically flying up to his face to wipe his chin, only for his hand to come away dry. When he turns to glare at Logan, the other facet hides his smirk and simply raises an eyebrow.

“If you wouldn’t resort to violence, I wouldn’t resort to my own form of petty tomfoolery. Also if subtle is what you’re going for, you’ve missed your mark by a long shot.”

“Shut _up_ , Lo, not in front of the others.”

Patton looks at him curiously, and Virgil smiles back and shakes his head in communication. The furrow in his brow lessens, and his smile turns into this wonderful, sweet thing that Virgil rarely sees (because he’s not looking). His heart is beating wildly in his chest, and he smiles back before ducking his head to stare at his lap, and hopes his blush isn’t as visible as it feels.

Yeah, he thinks to himself, real subtle, indeed.

-x-

“I just don't know what you _see_ in him.” Roman says to Patton over hot chocolate one day.

Patton hushes him as he sees Virgil shuffle into the kitchen, side-eying the two sitting at the table through thick smudged eyeshadow.

“Morning.” He mumbles.

“Morning kiddo!” Patton beams.

“It’s 6pm.” Roman says.

Virgil shrugs and grabs a bottle of purple Gatorade from the fridge. The two watch silently as he pours it in a wine glass.

“I’m going to take a bubble bath.” He says, walking off.

“Have fun!” Patton waves. “Make sure not to leave your clothes on the bathroom floor, kiddo.”

Virgil stops. “Who said anything about taking my clothes off?”

He walks off, leaving Roman looking half disgusted, half shocked, and Patton lovesick.

“Isn't he great?” Patton sighs.

Roman throws his hands up in what might be disbelief and resignation as Patton continues to stare at the archway Virgil had just disappeared through.

These two were _hopeless._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kit's tumblr: shakespearesocks
> 
> Nyck's tumblr: virgilsanxiety
> 
> Feel free to come and say hi! (And comments, as always, are appreciated)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: Bad decisions

Thomas, bless his heart, is as oblivious as the other two. He doesn’t notice the fervent blushes and stuttering, the profuse compliments from Patton at Virgil or the distinct lack of insults from Virgil towards Patton.

It only maybe occurs to him that something is up after Virgil and Patton both leave the room furiously blushing (they fell asleep on each other during a movie), and both, in their own ways, rush off to talk with Logan and Roman (Virgil subtly asks Logan to talk in another room and Patton yells “ROMAN I NEED TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW” and drags the fanciful side out with him). He notices Logan and Roman’s tired stares at each other as they are pulled away by the two other sides.

Afterwards, Thomas goes to Roman and Logan.

“Is there something going on with Virgil and Patton?”

The two stare at him.

“Thomas… honey…” Roman says.

“Have I… missed something?” He asks.

Roman looks shocked. “ _How_ could you have _possibly_ missed-” He’s cut off by Logan, who gives him a stern look.

“Roman. It is possible that Virgil and Patton have been deliberately hiding this particular… issue from Thomas. Conflict between us causes conflict in Thomas, and it is fairly clear they wanted to avoid that.” He pauses. “However, I feel like their endeavours might have been a little… counterproductive.”

“What is happening?” Thomas asks.

There’s a pause that stretches out, before Roman realises Logan and Thomas are looking at him. “Why-”

“You’re the romantic one.” Logan says.

“Ugh, _fine._ ” Roman sighs dramatically.

“For someone who cries at _50 First Dates_ every time we watch it, you sure like pretending this hasn’t been an extremely enjoyable task for you.” Logan states, causing Roman to blush at the call out, though he still poses dramatically and talks in his Romance Movie Voiceover Tone™ when he speaks to Thomas.

“Thomas, poor, sweet, naive Thomas,” he starts, and the man in question raises an eyebrow in an unimpressed way even though he’s jumping for joy on the inside of being let in the loop. “I honestly don’t know how you haven’t noticed this, but it seems our dear Marilyn Morose and Captain Cuddles are deeply in love with each other,” Thomas feels his jaw drop, but can’t form any words. Roman smirks, “I know, and it’s even worse because the both of them absolutely refuse to just _talk to each other_ about it, and while I’m usually all for the shmoopy love story, it’s starting to get a bit ridiculous.” Logan hums in agreement, but Thomas can’t find the words to say.

“For all the time the two of them spend staring at one another, it is astonishing that neither of them seem to notice the other staring right back.” Logan states, causing Thomas’ brain to start working, “I continue to believe that Virgil is close to finally ‘coming clean’ but every time he gets near Patton, it’s like all of his motor skills and the ability to use words ceases. It’s incredibly fascinating to witness, if not totally frustrating.” Roman and Thomas share a look, only Logan could take something like romance and turn it into a scientific experiment. Then, Thomas gets an idea.

“Why don’t we help the two of them along? Y’know, discreetly.” Roman raises an eyebrow, “What? I can be discreet!” That causes Logan to raise an eyebrow, too. Thomas notices that Roman stands a little taller when Logan agrees with his train of thought. Well, isn’t that interesting. He’ll have to come back to that later.

“It may be possible to ‘help them along’ as you say, Thomas.” Roman looks a mix between incredulous and intrigued at Logan’s change in mindset. Thomas ignores it to listen to Logan instead, though he’s thinking maybe Patton and Virgil aren’t the only ones that need help with something. “We’ve organised another movie night in a few days, correct?”

-x-

Patton feels his heart race as he sees Virgil in the living room. His face melts into a smile as he sees Virgil look at him. “Hey kiddo!” He says.

He melts again when Virgil returns his greeting with one of his rare soft smiles. “Hey, Pat.”

He hesitates to sit on the sofa next to Virgil. What if he wanted to sit next to Logan?

Virgil must have noticed something because he shifts over to one side of the couch. “Logan isn’t coming to movie night. He’s reading some new book and he says he has better things to do than, quote, “rewatch some unrealistic cartoon aimed at a demographic much younger than us”.”

Patton tries not to feel so happy as he sits next to Virgil. “That’s too bad.”

Virgil shrugs. “His loss. Where’s Princey?”

“Late.” Patton says. “He got caught up in brainstorming something, but he’ll be out later.”

“Poor him.”

“His loss.” Patton echoes. He realises he’s been staring at Virgil for too long. He looks away. “So, what movie are we going to watch, huh, kiddo?” Honestly, Patton couldn’t care less what they watched, he’s just happy for the alone time they’re sharing; they don’t get to do it very often.

“Whatever you’d like, Pat,” Virgil states. There’s a light dusting of pink on his cheeks, like the attention he’s getting is either really welcome and makes him happy, or he’s just too polite to ask to be left alone. Patton will pretend it’s the first one to makes himself feel better. “As long as you don’t pick _Beauty and the Beast,”_ There’s a disgusted look on his face, and Patton giggles, wishing he could capture the moment on camera. The blush on Virgil’s cheeks darkens.

“Not a problem, kiddo,” Patton beams when Virgil looks up at him through his fringe. “Don’t tell Princey this, but as sweet and morally uplifting his views on that movie are, it’s actually pretty disturbing and definitely not my favorite.” Virgil smirks and mimes zipping his lips; Patton falls a little more in love. “Let’s watch Power Rangers! That’s one of my favorites. There’s an entire scene dedicated to Krispy Kreme, Virge; _Krispy Kreme_ . That movie was practically _made_ for me.”

Virgil narrows his eyes. “That seems more like blatant product placement to me.”

Patton grins. “Now, Virge, _donut_ go ruining one of my favorite movies.”

Virgil _laughs_. He actually laughs. No covering his mouth, no tiny snicker, an _actual laugh_. It’s warm and soft and shy but it’s _so lovely_ and Patton thinks he’s never loved him more.

Then he says it.

“Oh man, I love you, Pat.” Patton freezes as the words hit, and he sees Virgil catch what he said and tense up too. Virgil flushes and shakes his head. “I- I mean-”

The next thing Patton does is impulsive.

The next thing Patton does is spontaneous.

The next thing Patton does is _stupid._

Before Virgil can finish his thought, heck, before _Patton_ can even form a real thought in his own head, past thinking and rational decision-making, past the ever-constant _patience_ he has, he finds himself closing his eyes and rushing forward and closing the space between them. He hears a soft noise of shock from Virgil as he meets his lips, which, incidentally, are _so soft_. He smells like _coffee_ and _linen_ and Patton thinks he can taste mint - did he just brush his teeth?

He’s pretty sure he should hear fireworks exploding in the background; that’s what all of Roman’s romance novels said would happen, what all the rom-coms Patton has spent his time watching had promised would happen when him and his true love finally shared a kiss for the first time. Instead the room is eerily silent, and--

Alarm bells blare in Patton’s head. Something’s off. What could _possibly_ be wrong? He’s _kissing_ Virgil. He’s been so _patient_ , he’s been waiting for this for so long; he’s-

Oh no.

He’s an _actual idiot._

Patton realises Virgil has frozen where he is. His hands are hovering on either side of his person and he’s not moving. At all.

Patton’s thoughts return in a frenzied panic, jolting him back to the present as they remind him, very unhelpfully, that _you idiot he doesn’t like sudden movements and people breaking his personal space and oh yeah he_ **_doesn’t even love you._ **

Patton breaks away frantically. Virgil is looking at him with wide eyes. They’re flitting back and forth, Virgil’s gaze boring into his own, corner of his eyes twitching in either anticipation or fright, and it’s all _because of Patton_. Patton finds himself shaking, unable to say anything. He’s _horrified_.

What has he done?

“I’m-” He chokes out. “I’m sorry.”

He runs.

What else was he supposed to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear, did you think they would kiss three chapters into a five chapter medium burn and it wouldn't go wrong? Sorry kids.
> 
> Come scream at us in the comments or on our Tumblrs
> 
> Kit's Tumblr: shakespearesocks
> 
> Nyck's Tumblr: virgilsanxiety


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for anxiety attacks

Logan huffs when he hears a frantic knock on his door. He goes to open it, berating the side he assumes would be knocking at this time. “Look, Virgil, I _know_ you would like to talk about Patton, and I am not trying to be rid of you, I merely think this might be a conversation best suited for another time of…” He opens the door. “... Night.”

The face he was expecting to see isn’t there. Well, the _face_ he was expecting to see is, but the _personality_ is not.

Virgil isn’t standing there.

Patton is.

And he's... crying.

Oh dear.

“I messed up.” Patton chokes out through tears and snot and the fog on his glasses. “I messed up and I _kissed_ him and I didn’t _think_ and I think he hates me and I don’t know what to do and Roman told me to follow my heart but my heart was _wrong_ so I need advice from someone who’s actually smart.”

Logan takes a second to process Patton’s words. “Do you want to… come in?” He asks.

Patton whimpers and walks in desolately, pulling a handkerchief from nowhere and loudly blowing his nose.

“S-sorry for barging in on you like th-this.” Patton says between shaky breaths. “I know you don’t really like… f-feelings or people invading your space late at night and I usually respect that but I didn’t know who else to go to and…” His voice becomes strained and his face screws up, “I haven’t been very good at respecting other people’s space lately!” On the last word he starts sobbing again and collapses on the couch.

Logan looks deeply uncomfortable. “And I thought it was bad when Virgil came to me about _you_.” He mutters.

That’s enough to stop the waterworks in their tracks. Patton looks up at Logan through crooked, fogged glasses. “Wh-what?”

Logan realises his mistake and mentally backpedals. “Nothing. I said nothing.”

Patton props himself up on his elbows. “Logan… has Virgil been talking to you about… _me_?”

Logan adjusts his glasses. “Patton. You must understand I’m under serious oath to inform no one of Virgil’s clandestine conversations with me. The _most_ serious of oaths.”

Patton thinks. “Pinky swear?”

“Pinky swear.”

“I understand.” Patton puts his face back into the couch and Logan can hear a muffled groan. “What am I going to do, Logan? You’re the smart one. Impart your smartness.”

“It’s wisdom.”

“Potato, potahto.”

“Patton, no one _says_ potahto.” He shakes his head. “That’s beside the point. You kissed Virgil, correct?”

Patton whines and nods, a difficult feat while lying facedown in a couch, but impressively pulled off by Patton’s sheer misery.

“And he reacted negatively?”

“He _hates_ me.” Patton replies sadly. He sits up. “You know Virgil. You know he doesn’t like sudden things. Or a lot of contact. Or feelings, sometimes. And I just… kissed him. Out of nowhere. He must have been so freaked out.” His chin wobbles. “I feel _terrible_.”

“It’s unlikely that Virgil hates you.” Logan states.

Patton sniffs. “How do you know?”

“Let me give you a hypothetical, Patton: if you were infatuated with someone, but believed this infatuation to be unreciprocated, only to be caught off guard one day by them kissing you, would you immediately reciprocate or would you be shocked?”

Patton’s mouth moves wordlessly as he processes the hypothetical. He keeps trying to start a sentence and failing. “I guess I- I guess I would be shocked.” He pauses. “So this hypothetical person… they _are_ interested in this someone?”

Logan looks at Patton. “Patton-”

“Kiddo, you made an oath with _Virgil_ , not Mr. Hypothetical.”

Logan narrows his eyes. He takes an intake of breath. Falters. “I- Yes, granted, that _is_ a bit of a loophole.”

Patton props himself up on his elbows again, eyes shining with anticipation. “So? Hypothetically, if a hypothetical someone was to, say, hypothetically talk to you about _another_ hypothetical someone, what would they talk about? Hypothetically.”

Logan sighs. “Hypothetically, this person may have come to me because they were anx- _worried_ about their hypothetical feelings for someone. And they wanted hypothetical advice.” His face flushes. “And they wouldn’t _stop talking_ about this hypothetical someone and how _wonderful_ they are when _maybe_ I just wanted to read a book or solve a puzzle.” He takes a breath. “Hypothetically.”

Patton decides to take one thing from that outburst. “So you and Virgil aren’t…”

Logan sighs in relief, glad to be dropping the hypotheticals. “If you are implying if Virgil and I are… involved, then no. We are merely friends, if close ones. I don’t particularly involve myself with…” He fumbles for words. “Romance.” He looks at Patton. “Why, did you believe we were together?”

Patton nods slowly. “Maybe. I… I was actually really jealous. Of you.”

Logan adjusts his glasses. “Fascinating. Jealousy is a negative emotion. You tend not to display those. I wonder…”

“Jealousy comes from the heart, Logan.”

Logan hums. “ _’O beware of jealousy; It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on.’_ ” He quotes softly. “Interesting.”

Patton groans and wipes his eyes from under his glasses. “I _feel_ like a monster. Why did I _do_ that?”

“It was ill-advised, yes.”

“You’re not doing much to assure me, champ.”

“Apologies, I just… Well. I suppose I’m surprised. You’re not usually so…”

“Impatient? Stupid?”

“... Impetuous.”

“Remind me why you refuse to play Scrabble with us again?”

“Because I made the word ‘incorrigible’ out of Roman’s ‘in’ and he got mad and sulked for the rest of the day.” He sighs. “You’re deflecting again. Stop getting me off-topic.”

“Sorry, kiddo.” Patton frowns. “What do I do now?”

Logan sighs, rubbing his hand down his face in frustration. “You’re worried that you put Virgil in an undesired situation, yes?” Patton nods, a sad look taking over his face once more. “Then the only thing you can do is give him his space; let him decide what move is to be made next. When he’s ready, he will come to you, and he will appreciate that you have respected his space.”

Patton bites his lip, but nods. “Okay. I just have to be patient.”

-x-

Virgil is still in the living room. He hasn’t moved since Patton kis…

Since Patton left.

He’s on the couch, knees pulled up to his chest, and is just staring at the wall with wide eyes while his head and his heart race.

_what did that mean why did he do that does he love me no he hates me it’s a trick it’s a joke but why did he look so upset is that my fault it’s my fault i made him sad god what’s wrong with me he kissed me but he hates me what’s going on what’s going on he said he was sorry sorry for what he smelled like honeysuckle breathe virgil breathe breathe breathe but he kissed me and stole my breath and i can’t breathe breathe breathe i’m so confused i don’t breathe breathe breathe for four hold for eight out for seven no it’s hold for seven out for eight or is it i don’t know it’s not working it’s not working can’t breathe can’t breathe can’t-_

“…rgil?” His runaway train of thought skids to a halt as he hears someone saying his name. He’s still not used to that.

He looks up and jumps when he sees Roman standing there, looking uncharacteristically concerned.

“Are you alright?” Roman asks. Virgil only stares at him with wide eyes. Roman shuffles awkwardly. “Can I… sit down?”

Virgil finds it in himself to nod and breathe properly again. Roman perches unsurely next to him. There’s a silence that stretches on where Virgil can feel Roman trying to form words but stopping himself.

Virgil somehow finds his own words, though they’re soft and barely audible. “He kissed me.”

Roman looks at him and smiles. “Virgil, that’s-” His face falls, as he struggles to connect something with such positive connotations to Virgil’s current state. A wave of realisation washes over his face. “He… he was impulsive, wasn’t he? And he... ran off. Oh no. Oh, Virge.”

Virgil stiffens as Roman puts a hand on his back, and feels himself burst into sobs at the contact. His whole body shakes as he feels tears running down his face and onto his clothes. He feels himself tilting and realises that Roman is pulling him over. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn’t be seen dead crying on Roman’s shoulder. But these weren’t normal circumstances, so that’s exactly what he does. Roman keeps an arm around him and Virgil cries until he can’t find the energy to cry anymore.

“I told him to _talk_ to you, not ambush you right before movie night was supposed to start,” Virgil lifts his head to stare at Roman. What on earth is he talking about? “Honestly, I know Patton is mostly heart, but he knows how to use his head, I _told him_ to be careful, to _use his words,_ not to violate your personal space.” Roman smiles sadly at him, eyes full of sorrow, and his hand is tracing small and light circles on his back. The contact is surprisingly appreciated after everything that’s happened. However...

Virgil is still confused. “But… I thought he liked _you._ Or you liked him.”

Roman laughs at that - not one of his hearty, dramatic laughs, nor one of his poorer-spirited snickers. He laughs softly, the sound dying almost as soon as it passes his lips. “Oh, Virgil. I don’t think so. Patton’s not my type, and besides, I’m on a solo quest to help save myself, for right now.”

“I always thought that was some dumb line.”

“Well, it _is_ , but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.” He smiles. “Anyway, even if I _did_ like Patton - which I don’t - it wouldn’t matter. He likes _you_.”

Virgil glowers at Roman. “Ha ha. Very funny, _Princey._ Way to kick me while I’m down. Why don’t you just impale me with your sword and be done with it?”

Roman looks frustrated. “Virgil. I may be a little… unpleasant to you at times, but I promise you this: I am not joking. Surely you don’t think I’m _that_ horrible?”

“... No.”

Roman sighs. “That’s beside the point. Patton is head over heels for _you_.”

“But he- you-”

“You know why Patton has been hanging out with me so much? Because he won’t stop talking about how _obsessed_ he is with _you._ Goodness, if I had to listen to _another_ _word_ about your _eyes_ or your _feelings…_ ” He looks at Virgil. “Sorry. No offense.”

Virgil shrugs. “Nah, I don’t care much about them either.”

“Unnecessarily dark.”

“Sometimes, I feel like you don’t know me at all, Roman.”

“It would certainly make my life easier,” Roman replies, yelping in pain when Virgil shoves him off the couch. When Roman turns to glare at him, Virgil tries to put on a smirk, hoping it’ll get them back to their usual, bantering selves. It must not work, something in his face must be totally off, because Roman’s face just softens as he scoots to sit next to Virgil’s feet on the floor. He gently places a hand on Virgil’s leg, and Virgil laces their fingers together, grounding himself to something. “You should talk to him, hon.”

“Absolutely not.” Virgil states matter-of-factly.

“But… Virge-”

“No, not happening, Princess Pout. Put those puppy eyes away.” Roman doesn’t listen, because of course he doesn’t. “Roman, stop looking at me like that.” If anything, the pleading look on his face gets worse. The grip on his fingers tighten just slightly, and his fanciful friend juts his bottom lip out just a little. Virgil knows this trick, has been able to beat Roman at this game many, many times. He can totally win again. Maybe.

He lasts a total of forty-two seconds.

“Fine!” he huffs, glaring at the fanciful trait when he cheers. Roman tackles him in a hug, ignoring Virgil’s (fake) foul mood. Virgil allows himself to be hugged, hiding his smile at Roman’s antics in his hood. “But if he’s decided he hates me, I’m throwing out all your Disney posters.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're so close to sweet, sweet, resolution. Hang in there, kids.
> 
> As always, comments are appreciated, and you can always message us on our Tumblrs, shakespearesocks (mine), or virgilsanxiety (Nyck's)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took so long, but it's a much longer chapter, and I think you'll forgive us when you read it :)
> 
> Also, this was supposed to be the last chapter, but we're writing an epilogue that we'll hopefully post in the next few days.

When Virgil approaches Patton four days, fifteen hours, thirty minutes, and fifteen seconds (but who’s counting) after The Incident, all the promises to his fanciful friend and threats of Disney posters have completely gone out the window. The hyperactive facet is sitting so eerily still that Virgil feels completely out of place with how much he can feel his body jittering. He’s tapped his fingers together at least ten times, and he can’t seem to keep eye contact with the other facet for more than a second at a time. Virgil feels awful about waiting so long, about making Patton wait for what must have felt like forever to him, but it’s taken every bit of nerves he’s got and three more pep-talks from Roman _and_ Logan to finally feel comfortable with the idea of having this conversation.

Almost.

Patton’s apology is so out of the blue and rapid that it almost makes Virgil jump out of his skin. “Virgil, kiddo, I am _so sorry_ I was impulsive and I didn’t _think_ and I just kissed you and I didn’t think about how you would feel and if you hate me I _completely understand_ because that was a total jerk move and I’m so so sorry and I hope I haven’t jeopardised our friendship because I care about you and-”

“Patton.”

“-your friendship is so much more important to me than a dumb _kiss and-”_

_“Patton.”_

“-I was just so _stupid_ and I should have checked with you and _asked you_ or _something_ -”

“Patton!” Virgil raises his voice slightly, enough to stop Patton’s rambling.

Patton blinks at him with large eyes. “... Sorry.” He says softly. Virgil finally looks up from the floor, and immediately wants to hug Patton, and protect him from everything loud and terrible in the world. His friend looks like a kicked puppy and Virgil feels like crying.

He wishes he was better at… words.

Because he’s got Patton’s attention now, and all he can do is stare dumbly and helplessly at the sweater-clad facet and will himself not to melt into the floor. He had a speech prepared, one he’d practiced many times in the mirror just before coming to the kitchen to see Patton, but it seems that any and all words he wanted to say have completely disappeared from memory. Patton worries his bottom lip with his teeth, and Virgil follows the movement with his eyes. Gosh, why did he actually think he could do this? He’s never been good at expressing positive emotions, why did he think he could start now? Virgil can feel himself begin to shake slightly, and he starts internally grounding himself so he can finally speak up. Patton hasn’t said a word in three minutes and forty-seven seconds; he’s always been the more patient of them.

After six minutes and thirty-one seconds, Virgil finally finds it in himself to speak. He’s not sure what part of him thought it was okay to talk, but he finds himself saying, voice barely above a whisper he’s sure Patton didn’t hear it;

“Was it a joke?”

Patton’s eyes go comically wider, tears rimming the edges as he reaches towards Virgil, arms dropping back to his sides when Virgil flinches violently backwards into the wall. _You said the wrong thing again, idiot,_ a voice in his head tells him, _Now you’ve really blown it. Good going, pal._ There are tears stinging the corners of his eyes, and he blinks rapidly to clear them, wiping his sleeve across his face so it can absorb the offending liquid. Looking at Patton, he wants to take back what he said, but he can’t now, the damage has been done.

“Virgil, no, I-” Patton breathes deeply, blinking twice to clear his eyes before he continues. “It wasn’t a joke, Virge, I swear it. I would never do that to you, do something like that to you and mean it as a joke. I could _never_ , Virge, never ever, I-” he pauses, but only for a second before- “I _love_ you, Virge.” He smiles sadly, a tear falling down his cheek. “I love you, so much, and I can’t believe I was so stupid as to throw that away, throw your feelings and comfort away, because I let my emotions get the better of me. And for that I am so, so sorry.

“But I’m not sorry about the kiss. It was ill-timed, and I admit I could’ve done it better and more respectably,” Another tear rolls down his cheek and it takes everything in Virgil not to move forward and wipe it off with the pad of his thumb, “But no, Virge. It wasn’t a joke.”

-x-

Virgil hasn’t said anything since he cut off Patton’s apology. Is he mad? Patton bites his lip as his thoughts race through all the things Virgil could be thinking.

He’s mad, he’s upset, he hates you, _why won’t he say anything?_

Patience, Patton. A lack of patience is what got you in this mess.

After some time, Virgil opens his mouth. He whispers something, but Patton hears it louder than any shout.

“Was it a joke?”

Patton’s heart breaks. He feels his eyes fill with tears as they widen in understanding. He thinks it was a joke. He thinks… oh, Virge. He wants nothing more than to hug Virgil tight, to wrap him up safe from all the things that could hurt him.

Which right now, seems to include Patton.

He doesn’t realise that he put his arms out to touch Virgil until he sees Virgil flinch away and hit the wall.

And isn’t that just an extra twist of the knife that’s already in Patton’s heart? Virgil is _afraid_ of him. Afraid he’ll hurt him again.

How could he be so _stupid?_

He has to say something. He wants to scream. How could he _ever_ think he was joking?

“Virgil, no, I-” His voice comes out rough, marred by tears. He takes a breath and blinks them back. “It wasn’t a joke, Virge, I swear it. I would never do that to you, do something like that to you and mean it as a joke. I could _never_ , Virge, never ever, I-” He stops.

Say it.

What else is he supposed to do?

“I _love_ you, Virge.” He feels a tear roll down his cheek. “I love you, so much, and I can’t believe I was so stupid as to throw that away, throw your feelings and comfort away, because I let my emotions get the better of me. And for that I am so, so sorry.

“But I’m not sorry about the kiss. It was ill-timed, and I admit I could’ve done it better and more respectably, but no, Virge.” He looks at Virgil and meets his eyes as another tear falls from his own. “It wasn’t a joke.”

He waits for impact, waits for Virgil to reject him, tell him _did you expect me to love you after you_ ** _hurt_** _me?_

But Virgil doesn’t do that; in fact Virgil doesn’t do much of anything except stare at Patton for an indeterminate amount of time. Patton can be patient, though, for Virgil. His lack of patience is what got them here in the first place, and he refuses to do something stupid and mess it up again. So he clasps his hands together--tightly so he won’t be tempted to reach out--and he waits. He’s waited this long to get the guy of his dreams, he can wait a little longer so he can do it right this time. After a while, Patton starts to get nervous, like maybe Virgil’s silence has been his way of telling Patton he wants him to leave. Patton is just about to do that when, completely unexpectedly (at least to Patton), Virgil finally says something. He says,

“Can I kiss you?”

Patton blinks. Did he hear that right? “What?”

Virgil flushes. He balls his hands into fists and squeezes his eyes shut. Takes a breath. “Can I kiss you?” He hesitantly opens his eyes to gauge Patton’s reaction.                                                      

Patton is as red as Virgil, and is melting from sheer _fondness_ for the darker side. If he was any more in love with him, his heart would beat so hard that it'd escape from his chest. His face splits into the biggest, dopiest, grin. “Are- are you sure?” He stutters.

Virgil’s eyebrows twitch inward, like they do anytime he’s think about something important to him, and Patton feels his heart swell for being one of those things. Virgil looks down at his hands for a moment, and Patton can tell that being asked about his comfort levels is something the other facet isn’t used to. Patton’s heart melts, but he doesn’t have time to dwell on it right this second, they can talk about it later. Virgil finally looks back up towards Patton, nodding his head in assent, and Patton feels himself let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He smiles at Virgil, lets his hands drop back to his sides, and lets Virgil make the first move, lets him take as much time as he needs so he knows Patton is here to stay; Patton would wait a lifetime to be able to kiss Virgil, just once.

Virgil takes a half-step forward, freezes in place as he furrows his brow once more, and then takes another step. Patton follows his lead when the other facet is only a few steps away.

They step close to each other, chests touching, faces a mere centimeter or so apart _._ Patton gazes into Virgil’s eyes. Roman might be right, they might all have the same eyes, but Virgil’s were just so _enthralling_ and _gorgeous_.

“Hi.” He grins.

“Hey.” Virgil smiles softly. Patton’s breath falters as Virgil’s bangs fall over his eyes, and he lifts a hesitant hand to push them back. In response, Virgil’s hands move to cup Patton’s face and draw them closer together.

Patton giggles as they bump noses – they’re so close now he’s almost crossing his eyes trying to focus on Virgil – and the corner of Virgil’s lips twitches as they inch even closer to Patton’s. _Goodness gracious,_ Patton loves him so much. Patton moves forward to close the distance between them, but Virgil leans back, a serious look suddenly in his eye. The corner of his eyes twitch and he opens and closes his mouth several times before he settles for a smile that looks more bittersweet than before, and Patton really, really wants to fix that. “Virge? Hey, talk to me,” The darker facet looks at him again, and this time the look in his eyes is a combination of fear and adoration, like he can’t quite decide which emotion matters most in this moment. “What’s wrong? Do you want to stop?”

“ _No_ ,” Virgil says almost immediately, leaning forward once more to rest their foreheads together as his eyes slide closed. “No, I don’t want to stop, but… there’s something I need to say, and I need to say it now before I back out of it later.” Patton nods slightly, Virgil takes a deep breath; he continues, “I never thought someone like you could ever love me, Pat. In a million years, I never would have even considered it a possibility; you with your brighter-than-the-sun personality and your easily friendly nature and your beautiful smile and your _everything_. I am...the furthest thing from all of that, and I never would have thought I would deserve you.”

“Virge-”

“No, hush, let me finish.” his voice is stern, if a little wobbly, and Patton quickly recognizes it as the tone the other facet gets shortly before he’s going to cry. It takes everything in Patton not to interrupt again. “I thought you were in love with Roman, y’know? It made the most sense, you guys are the most alike, and then--and then Roman told me all the time you all spent together was because you were talking about _me_ , and I very nearly considered decking him in the face for making such a cruel joke. But he reassured me he wasn’t lying, and I just couldn’t believe it; you liking me? I must have been a _saint_ in a past life to be that lucky.” A single tear rolls down his cheek, and Patton can’t stand it anymore; he reaches up and lightly wipes the offending item with the pad of his thumb. Virgil looks back up at him, the most open grin on his face Patton has ever seen, and something aches inside Patton’s chest.

“Virgil… I never meant to make you uncomfortable or do anything to make you sad, oh no. _I_ thought you liked _Logan_ \--don’t look at me like that, it was a completely reasonably conclusion to jump to. You spend all of your free-time together, and you always seemed the most at-ease around him, I thought...well neither of us are very good at communication, are we?” Virgil smiles softly at him once more, eyes bright with unshed (hopefully happy) tears, while his hands are still gripping Patton’s face. Patton loves everything about him, would do anything to make him smile like this all the time. Virgil slowly adjusts his stance so they were as they had been standing before, nose to nose with next-to-no space in between them. Patton can feel every movement of his lips as he speaks.

“I… I have loved you for so long, Pat. You have been the one person who has never tried to change me, who has always supported me, who has tried to see the best of who I am. You have the kindest heart, and the greatest view of the world, and you do everything in your power to make people love themselves and know they are loved by others. I _meant_ what I said before, you’re so _great_ and I am so lucky to have the opportunity to be loved by someone as bright as you.” Virgil nudges his lips forward slightly, just enough to make his and Patton’s brush for a brief moment, before migrating back to his own space. The next thing he whispers really seals the deal, and Patton can barely contain himself afterwards. _“I love you.”_

Patton, now confident in his decision and the comfort of the other side, grabs Virgil’s hoodie and pulls him in, closing the distance between them.

Okay, so maybe he’s a _little_ impatient. But this time it’s worth it.

He can feel Virgil’s smile as their lips touch, and _gosh his lips are so soft_ and Patton can smell coffee and linen again – he didn’t realize how much he’d missed that smell. For a moment that’s all they do, stand there tangled in each other, their lips merely pressing together in some facsimile of a kiss. Then, like a switch, Virgil’s lips part slightly as he pushes into Patton’s space, becoming more sure of his movements. Virgil’s hand on Patton’s cheek slides back to tangle in his hair while the other slides down to grip at Patton’s elbow, pulling him closer. Patton tightens his hold of Virgil’s hoodie in response; there’s practically no space between them anymore. Virgil’s eyes slide closed and a half a second later, Patton’s follow suit and he allows himself to just enjoy the feeling of Virgil’s lips against him.

He’s spent plenty of time staring at the other facet, it’s time for him to enjoy how he feels.

The kiss starts off clumsily; they turn their heads at the same time, causing them to bump noses and Patton to giggle; there are a few breaks for breath, which causes them to lose rhythm and Virgil huffs in frustration until Patton sucks on his bottom lip, to which he responds in earnest, slightly tightening the hold he has of Patton’s hair. Finally, though, Virgil’s body relaxes against Patton’s, causing the latter to smile into the kiss once more, which Virgil takes as invitation to suck on his bottom lip as repayment from before. It’s a wonderful feeling, can easily be classified as one of the fondest and most beautiful memory he will hold from this moment forward, and he can’t believe he’s finally getting to enjoy something he’s been waiting for for so long. The kiss never passes into “heated” or “untoward.” They kiss like that, softly and sweetly, for what seems like hours, but has probably only been a few minutes.

Patton never wants to let go.

Eventually, he realizes, they do have to break away for air, and Virgil pulls back. Patton chases his lips with his own, whining slightly at the loss of contact. Virgil chuckles, pressing his lips to Patton’s once more in a light, chaste kiss before he pulls away once more. To make up for the fact that they’re no longer kissing, Virgil angles them so that their foreheads are touching. Patton opens his eyes, sees that Virgil has too, and notices just how beautiful they are from this close. He doesn’t care what Roman says, Virgil has the most beautiful eyes he’s ever seen. Virgil’s smiling, small and soft, and Patton wishes more than ever that he could live in this moment forever. The room is quiet, but not uncomfortably so, and Patton revels in this moment.

“Say it again, Pat,” Virgil whispers. Patton pulls back to look Virgil properly in the eyes, eyes that are full of hope and awe and wonder, and goodness did Patton do that? Virgil moves his hand back to Patton’s face, tracing his thumb over Patton’s bottom lip. The movement makes something in Patton flutter. “Pat, tell me again.” For a moment Patton doesn’t know what he means; he hasn’t said anything in goodness knows how long, what could Virgil possibly want to hear? Then he thinks, thinks about those three simple words that, have been the cause of both one of his stupidest decisions he’s ever made and the greatest action he’s ever taken. Three simple words, and Patton will mean them every time he says them in Virgil’s presence.

He leans forward with a new wave of confidence, and hovers so that his lips and Virgil’s are just barely touching. He can feel every movement of the other’s lips, when he opens them in surprise and closes them in anticipation, and Patton knows that means that Virgil can feel his, too. Virgil’s eyes are frantic, shooting back and forth between looking at Patton’s own and his lips; it’s incredibly endearing how anxious Virgil looks, even though they’ve just spent a decent amount of time kissing one another. That’s what causes Patton to say them, light as a feather and barely above a whisper.

 _“I love you.”_ Every word makes his heart feel lighter and make his stomach flutter. Virgil starts to smile, slow and genuine, and Patton says it again. “I love you, Virge.” Combined with the use of his name, Virgil seems to take it more at face value, small smile turning into a blinding grin. Patton never wants him to stop smiling.

“Again, Pat,” Virgil whispers, his breath a ghost across Patton’s lips as he speaks. Patton gets an idea.

Pulling back, Patton goes on his tiptoes and presses a gentle kiss on Virgil’s forehead. The furrow between his brow smooths out, and Patton feels the other smile against his neck. “I...” he starts off; next he moves down to the bridge of Virgil’s nose, pressing a light kiss there with his lips before lowering himself off his toes and gently rubbing their noses together. “ _love_ ...” he pulls back, grinning at the look of adoration on the subdued facet’s face. He reaches up and brushes Virgil’s bangs out of his eyes once more, hand resting on his cheek while he drinks in every part of Virgil’s face that he can, “ _you.”_ Or at least that’s what he was going to say, but he’s barely got past saying _‘y-’_ before Virgil’s mouth is on his once more. Though it barely constitutes as a kiss, what with them doing more smiling than kissing, but Patton wouldn’t want it any other way.

“I love you too.” Virgil whispers when they finally break apart.

And just for a second, Patton thinks he can _finally_ hear those fireworks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment or come say hi on Tumblr! Mine is shakespearesocks and Nyck's is virgilsanxiety


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this took a while for what it is (pretty short) but it turns out endings are more difficult to write than I thought. 
> 
> There's some implied Logince in this chapter btw.

When Virgil and Patton walk into the common room holding hands, both of them with tear stained (and in Virgil’s case, eyeshadow-stained) faces and more-than-a-little red lips, they’re not expecting Thomas, Logan, and Roman to be sitting there waiting for them. The three are sitting on the sofa with an air of anticipation, and they all sit up much straighter when the other two walk in.

There’s silence while they drink in the sight of the two. It stretches out for an uncomfortably long time, and Patton squeezes Virgil’s hand as he feels him tense up next to him.

“You… actually did it.” Roman says, incredulous face turning to a joyful beam. “You did it!”

Thomas smiles at them. “I’m proud of you two.”

“YES!” Logan uncharacteristically cheers, standing up abruptly and pumping a fist in the air. He freezes and his face turns red. He hurriedly adjusts his tie and glasses. “I mean… I always had faith in you two.”

Patton smiles to see the corner of Virgil’s mouth twitch and hear the soft sound he makes when he’s amused.

Then it hits him. “Wait. Kiddo, you _knew_ about us?”

Thomas flushes. “Uh. Yeah. I knew. I knew the whole time, actually. Totally knew. Yep.”

Logan rolls his eyes. “He found out last week after we had to explicitly _tell_ him what was going on.”

“You don’t…” Virgil starts quietly, “You don’t think it’s weird or anything?”

“Virge, my life is already so flipping weird, I think I can handle a little more weirdness.” He squeals excitedly. “Plus I think you two are really cute and I love you lots and I totally support you. But…” His face softens, “You know you guys could have come to me.”

Virgil shakes his head. “Nuh-uh. No way. I only just told you my _name_ , bud, I’m not opening up to you _that_ quickly. That’s not how I roll.”

“I… guess that’s fair.” Thomas looks at Patton. “Pat? I get why Virge wouldn’t talk to me… but you?”

Patton sighs. “I mean… I guess, kiddo, that I felt I was more there for _you_ , not the other way ‘round. I mean, it’d be weird if your ol’ dad went to you for advice.”

Thomas shakes his head. “First, I’m not your son. And calling me that gets _infinitely weirder_ now that you’re… with… Virgil.”

Virgil winces. “Yeah, that _is_ kind of weird.”

Roman grins suggestively. “What, you mean you wouldn't want to call him dadd-”

“NOPE NO WE ARE NOT GOING THERE”

“Wait, call me what?”

“Patton, I love you, but… no.”

Patton squeaks excitedly and covers his mouth with his hands. “ _YOU LOVE ME”_

Virgil flushes. “I…”

The other three look curiously at him.

“... Yeah. I love you, Patton.” His face is bright red. “I mean I said that earlier, but yeah, cool, I’ll just say it in front of everyone or whatever…” He trails off, and Patton offers his hand again. He takes it gratefully.

“It's good to open up, love.” Patton says quietly.

“I’m proud of you, buddy.” Thomas says.

“And to think,” Roman says, putting an arm around Logan’s shoulders, who jumps at the sudden contact, “We had formed an improbable camaraderie over your incessant refusal to converse with one another.”

“Ah, big words.” Patton mumbles. He pauses, trying to grasp for a word. “... Caterpillar.”

Virgil pats his hand. “You’re doing great, Pat.”

Logan, who seems to have settled himself nicely into Roman’s side, continues, “I would like to express, for everyone here, the importance of avoiding jumping to conclusions and foregoing communicating with one another. It is paramount to remember these things so that no one is hurt due to the cognitive distortions I have tried many times to inform all of you about.” Roman glances down at Logan for a second with a sparkle in his eye before looking back towards Patton and Virgil.

“More long words... Butterfly.” Patton interjects.

“You’re just naming bugs, now, love.”

“Well,” Thomas says, “ _Speaking_ of that, now that Virgil and Patton are together, I guess you and Roman will have more time to… communicate.”

There’s a beat where Roman’s face starts to match the colour of his sash and Logan’s words seem to get stuck in his throat. Roman removes his arm from Logan’s shoulder like he’s been burnt. Logan takes a hasty step away and pointedly adjusts his tie.

Roman clears his throat. “Um… Patton… Could I potentially… talk to you… in another room?”

“Yes, Virgil, I would also like to discuss a matter with you.” Logan stammers.

Patton smiles in understanding and bounds out after Roman. “Bye kiddo, love you!”

Virgil shakes his head at Logan. “No, I didn’t sign up for this.”

Logan starts pulling Virgil out of the room by his hood. “Well, maybe _I_ didn’t sign up for being a relationship counsellor. Maybe _I_ just wanted to solve a puzzle.”

“We can still-”

“No, too late. You should’ve thought of that when you were waxing poetic about Patton into my pillows at three in the morning.”

“Yeah, okay, I deserve that.”

Thomas stares incredulously at the facets of his personality that haven’t yet bolted from his living room. “This is directly contradicting the advice you just gave me!” He exclaims. Virgil stares back blankly while Logan shifts anxiously from one foot to the other; the development, and the comforting hand Virgil places on Logan’s shoulder, doesn’t escape Thomas’s attention. Neither of them respond to his accusation “... This isn’t setting a good example for me; as facets of my personality you should be _helping_ me with my interpersonal relationships!”

“Hey,” Virgil says, and Thomas thinks he might get some helpful advice or profound message out of the usually-negative side. “I have _never_ claimed to be good at setting a good example for you.”

Okay. Well.

Virgil pouts as Logan resumes dragging him along, but there’s a look in his eye that shows he doesn’t really mind what’s going on. Thomas sighs, and sees his expression mirrored in Virgil’s.

“Call me when you need your expectations lowered for a party.” The darker facet offers a bored salute as he’s finally dragged out of the room.

-x-

Things are slow, but that’s okay. As much as Patton wants to rush through everything, rushing was what made things go wrong last time.

So he goes slowly. He goes slowly and he checks every boundary with Virgil. The darker side might roll his eyes, but Patton can tell he appreciates it.

As they progress slowly, Patton is enamoured with watching Virgil slowly open up, unfold with time. Patton is an open book; he has no secrets and he shares his life story to any stranger in a heartbeat. But Virgil is more reserved, more contained, and it makes every piece of information, every emotion that he shares, that much more important to Patton.

He learns that Virgil likes art. That he _makes_ art, charcoal drawings which suit Virgil _perfectly_ , they're dark and abstract and you have to be oh-so-cautious with them, which Virgil is perfect at doing.

He learns that Virgil really likes his puns, and Patton has to _beg_ him not to cover up his laughter because _it's so sweet Virge you're so cute._

But his favourite thing that Virgil shares comes on a rare trip to Virgil’s room. Virgil gets worried if Patton stays in his room for too long, so they tend to keep clear of it. One night, however - once Patton has reassured Virgil that he knows breathing exercises and he can stay calm - Virgil shows Patton something that takes his breath away.

Above their heads where there should be a ceiling, Virgil has conjured a night sky filled with stars.

Patton doesn’t recognise the stars - he figures if Logan had been the one who made them then they’d be astronomically accurate and you’d be able to spot each constellation and planet in perfect alignment with the season and time of night.

These, in obvious contrast, are Virgil’s own patterns, constellations that _he_ put together, and Patton takes in the seemingly-endless view in awe, feeling the reflection of the stars shining in his eyes, his glasses. He thinks he can pick out some constellations - a sword, a book…

A heart.

Patton gasps in surprise and awe, and when he looks down at Virgil where he’s sitting next to him, his gaze is lowered and can’t sit still. His hoodie sleeves have fallen over his hands and Patton can see him twitching to tap his fingers together like he usually does when attention has been placed on him or he’s nervous about something. Patton doesn’t say anything and looks back up to the sky; directly next to, and slightly overlapping the heart are the stars of another constellation Patton can’t quite trace out. He tries over and over, but there are so many stars in different directions that Patton’s head is spinning with his attempts.

He looks over at Virgil, not finding the words to ask, but seeing that Virgil understands what he means.

Virgil grabs a piece of paper and a stick of charcoal from under the bed - and Patton is still amazed that they're in a _room_ on a _bed_ , he would have believed he’s on some picturesque hill watching the stars as the wind ruffles his hair - and starts to lightly trace out an image. Patton matches it to the dizzying constellations above them, and sees the heart intertwined with Virgil’s storm cloud.

He looks at Virgil, speechless, with stars in his eyes, literally and metaphorically, and before he can say anything, it's _Virgil_ who is leaning forward and closing the distance between them. Joy surges in his heart as he closes his eyes and kisses back eagerly.

If his eyes were open, he would have seen the two shooting stars streak across the sky.

That’s just one of an overwhelming number of amazing days ahead.

Of course, there are bad days. There are days when Virgil is on edge, over-thinking everything, not wanting to talk or be touched, not wanting to do anything except stay in his room. And Patton is patient. He waits, and he writes notes to Virgil, telling him he loves him, telling him he matters, trying to make sure he’s eaten, slept, had enough water. He draws silly doodles on them and sappy puns, anything he thinks will make Virgil smile. And it helps.

Virgil wonders how Patton can be so patient with him. How he can be so kind and supportive, and not get tired of any of his moods and episodes.

(He keeps all the notes and rereads them on the bad days.)

Patton has bad days too. Sure, they’re few and far between, but they happen, and when they do they hit hard. Sometimes he gets overwhelmed with emotions, when Thomas is sad or upset, or worse still, heartbroken. It scares Virgil the first time this happens, when the usually upbeat and cheery facet is suddenly so despondent and miserable, and he’s _so afraid_ of doing something wrong. But he learns how to help Patton work through it. Giving him space doesn’t work like it does for Virgil - Patton is comforted by company. They’ll watch movies together, or read together, it doesn’t matter, they don’t even need to talk - just share the space. And when Patton’s feeling up to smiling again, the first person he’ll smile at is Virgil.

They help each other, and they make it through the bad days together.

They still both have their insecurities about the relationship.

Virgil worries about how much time he has left. That maybe, gradually, Patton’s smile might become just that little bit less sincere, until they fall apart and Virgil calls himself stupid for ever thinking this could work out.

Patton worries he’ll do something wrong. He’ll rush something or take the wrong step and he’ll _hurt_ him again, hurt him like he did when he kissed him that first time. And Virgil wouldn’t tell him, because he’d be _scared_ of him, scared of _Patton_ , and he thinks he’d break if Virgil ever flinched away from him again.

So they talk to each other. They share their fears and worries, and reassure the other that no, that would never, _never_ , happen, not as long as they lived.

And of course, their fears are in vain. Patton smiles at Virgil every day like he put the stars in the sky (and didn’t he?), and Virgil never shies from Patton’s touch or fails to meet his eyes.

Patton hears fireworks every time they kiss, and thinks maybe it’s okay to be a little impatient.

Virgil’s breath still catches in his throat every time he sees Patton, but this time he _knows_ that Patton loves him back, and realises that, maybe, loving someone isn’t as hard as he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes this fic! I hope you've enjoyed reading it!
> 
> This has been such a labour of love to work on, and I had so much fun working on it with my co-writer, Nyck, who is beautiful and talented and whose writing style perfectly works with mine, since I am rubbish at anything that isn't dialogue or puns, and their prose is so wonderful. 
> 
> As always, comments are appreciated, and you can always talk to us on our Tumblrs. Mine is shakespearesocks, and Nyck's is virgilsanxiety.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always appreciated! 
> 
> Kit's tumblr: shakespearesocks
> 
> Nyck's tumblr: virgilsanxiety


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